Here I am again catching myself doing the exact same thing I did the last time I was in Chicago. For some reason I’m convinced I’ll run into her randomly on the street. I’m sure the odds are astronomically high but nonetheless my eyes wander from face to face. Hell I even look across the street sometimes when I think I see that “special” brunette hair.
See I’m not hung up or heartbroken on her – although she was the leading reason I’ve felt “lost” the past three years – but my guess is I want some sort of positive closure. Even if I have this delusion of such a thing, especially because I broke up with her, I hate feeling like the bad guy. It’s hard to know there is a girl out there who I gave so much to and now she probably just says bad things about me much as I have told friends all this crap about her.
What bothers me most though is that I can’t seem to enjoy Chicago to its fullest anymore, afraid we might have a run-in. She’ll tell me she’s married and successful and blah blah blah so that once the spotlight is on me all I will want to say is, “I’m happy, which matters most to me. Nice seeing ya.”. Frankly the only interest I’d have reconnecting with her would be to make her want me back. Or that I was right.
So here I am in a little bit of a funk since I can’t seem to just relax and let it all go. Who cares if I’m still trying to sort out my life and get it on track? Sure I’d love to have been in Chi-town by now, living it up in Wrigleyville, but destiny has a way of working things out the way they were meant to be – and I’m in no position to argue with how happy I still am with my twentysomethings spent in Ann Arbor thus far.